What do you do when you don’t know what to do?

Last night I lay in bed unable to sleep. I was thinking about all the awful things that seem to be going on in the world. The war and killing in the Middle East continues with no end in sight. Our government at home seems to be doing all it can to make the rich richer, and the poor seem to have no advocate in places of power in Washington. Much of what we are told by those who have been elected to lead the country is either misleading or dishonest. One begins to believe that nothing one does will change anything.

Our time can accurately be described in the words of Thomas Paine who in December of 1776 wrote, “ These are the times that try men’s souls.” Much of what I see going on in the world today is not unlike what the poet William Butler Yates described in his poem “The Second Coming.” Yates wrote, “things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, the blood dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned; the best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.” In the midst of times like this the temptation is to put your head in the sand, quit reading the paper or watching the news and believe that nothing you do is going to make any difference anyway.

Do you ever feel that way? I certainly do. The only problem with that conclusion is that it is not an acceptable conclusion for me and should not be acceptable to you. Remember the words of one man who said; “The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for enough good men (or women) to do nothing.”

So what do you do when you don’t know what to do? Is there anything that you or I can do that will make any difference? We may not be able to change the larger picture of how things are, but there are some things we can do that will make the world a better place for those around us and keep us from getting mired up in the slough of despond.

Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881), Scottish essayist and historian, instructed his readers to “Do the duty that lies nearest thee, which thou knowest to be a duty! The second will already have become clearer.”

In order to keep from being overwhelmed by the many legitimate needs we encounter in our journey I find it helpful to remember that those who have the most compelling claim on us are those who are connected to us by blood or covenant. This includes family members and those to whom we have made promises.

A child may need a word of encouragement. A spouse may need a word of love and appreciation.
I appreciate my readers, many of whom e-mail me their thoughts or concerns.

Here are three words that can help you to do things that make a difference.

The first word is “notice.” Noticing is not judging. It is simply acknowledging what appears to be going on the life of another person without making any judgment about it. I learned this years ago when I said to a woman who had gone through a divorce, “ I am sorry to hear about your divorce.”

She responded: “Sorry? I have been trying to get away from this abusive husband for years!”
A better thing to have said would have been, “ I notice that some changes have taken place in your life. How is that going for you?”

The second word is “listen.” It really make me “crazy” to be answering a question someone has asked me, and they are looking around the room for someone else to talk to. If you don’t want to listen to someone’s response to your question, don’t ask.

The third word is “wonder.” Wonder if a person needs anything. Wonder if there is anyway you can help. This allows the person to whom you are talking to tell you if there is something you can do or gives them room to simply say “No.”

You and I may not be able top do much about many of the big problems in the world, but if we notice and listen and wonder, what we do will make a difference.

Dr. Eichelberger is a retired minister and lives on top of a mountain near Saluda and Tryon. For fifteen years he was in private practice as a marriage and family counselor. Before his retirement Dr. Eichelberger was a Fellow in the American Association of Pastoral Counselors and a Clinical Member of The American Association of Marriage and Family Counselors. If you have a concern you would like addressed, send your question to hughle2@aol.com.