Do you want to be happy?

I don’t know anyone who would not answer the question “Do you want to be happy?” with anything but an enthusiastic “Yes!” Thomas Jefferson in the Declaration of Independence listed the pursuit of happiness as one of our unalienable rights. The only problem with this is that most people are not quite sure what happiness is and think it is as something you can own or possess like a new car or a new house. I cannot recall how many parents I have heard say: “I just want my children to be happy.” My own observation is that trying to be happy is one of the best ways not to be.

I agree with Edith Wharton who said: “If only we’d stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time.”

In recent months there have been a great number of books written on ways to be happy. This represents a relatively new interest.

In the small southern town where I was raised I don’t recall a great deal of talk of or encouragement to be happy. We were much more influenced by the Puritan tradition that was essentially suspicious of happiness.

One old Puritan is reported to have said: “I have never committed a pleasure.” I was taught more implicitly than explicitly that anything that made you “happy” was probably wrong. In trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life I would rule out anything that I thought would make me happy. That may be why I eventually decided to enter the ministry. I certainly had no thought that such a profession would “make me happy.” Although there was much about the ministry that I enjoyed there were times when being in the ministry was like 20 miles of bad road. Now it seems that everyone thinks they have a right and should be happy. I don’t recall my parents ever telling me that they just wanted me to be happy.

I am not about to suggest that I know how to make you or anyone else happy, but there are things you and I can do that will probably provide us with a satisfactory life. It may be that living a “satisfactory life” is about as close being happy as anyone can get. If you are one of those people who think of themselves as not being happy here are some things you might do to get on the road to a satisfactory life.

A good way to start is by changing the focus of your life to other people and away from your self. It is not that you are not important, but remember that other people are important too. Many people don’t know that, and it is a result of how they have been treated throughout their lives.

An older friend of mine once told me that everyone is good at something and your job as a leader is to affirm what people do well. I had a man in my congregation at one time who was really good at telling us why something would not work. In meetings when something new was proposed, I would eventually turn to him and say: “Now, Jim, tell us why you think that will not work.” As a result, we made his negative thinking into something positive, and there were times when he was right.

Parents often worry about their children’s self esteem without realizing how much time and energy they spend trying to catch their children doing something wrong. That is often something people do, not only with their children, but also with other people. When is the last time that you told someone that you encountered in your everyday activities that you appreciated the good job they were doing and you appreciated it? The next time you are in the grocery store call the checker at the cash register by name (they have a name tag) and tell them you appreciate the good job they are doing. You will feel better and they will too.

At one time I kept a note on the mirror in my bathroom that said: “This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

There are people who wake up in the morning and begin each day by taking an inventory of their miseries. Before they get out of bed their garden of miseries is in full bloom. If you are one of those people, tomorrow would be a good day to stop doing that. Think instead about what you can do to make the world a lighter and brighter place. Go out today and try to catch someone doing something good and tell him or her about it. It is amazing how much better that will make you and the other person feel.

Try it. You’ll like it. And in the process you may end up feeling pretty happy.